welcome to chewyan's world(:

Thursday, January 27, 2011

27Jan'2011
8.42pm

im sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo tired.
):

although ive already given my resignation letter and it has been accepted,
they are asking me to extend.
and it seems like i have to.
limited manpower. ):

so its two more months of these before i can finally break freee.
and i hope i get to see more beautiful things everyday.
instead of theseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

):

im listening to bleeeding love!
haha.
on youtube.

im not being emo.
but i just felt like listening to it.
been one of my favourites since last time.

i feeeel tired.
and unhappy.
i dun know what should i do.

am i thinking too much?
am i being too greedy?
am i but just a selfish girl as well?
):

i wish there is some way to see things clearer.
and that everything would stay pleasant, and everyone's happy.
including me.

i am so afraid i'll hurt you.
because im starting to have some weird thoughts.
which i dun even know how strong and how real they are.

i shared them with you because im not someone who can hide it from you.
i didnt know the next step except for wishing everything to be well sooon.

at least i noticed it and made it a point to think it through....

because to me,
i really think love is a big deal.

a way big deal that must not have flaws.

i maybe selfish,
or maybe i'm someone who is willing to admit and wanna be very sure that it is true.
and it is strong.
and it is gonna last.
and it is gonna make everybody happy.

i dont know where to get started.
and its just soooooooooo hard to get anything straight.
because you are so separated from me.

we are always apart.
and the coming feb16 trip to other countries on the ship for 6weeks.

its just such a big blow.
its like so unstable now.
and its like so sudden.

i dont know how am i gonna make it through...
you say im not confident enough.
true enough, i guess i am not):
and im sorrry. ):

trust me i never wanted to make things hard,
or make you disappointed,
or make you sad.
or make you sian.
or any etc.

alright?

i told you i'll be figuring things out on my own first.
i will.
but i wish i know how, and that i'll have more time to think about everything.

work,
things,
are making my life very very cramped up.
and ive just been dragging myself to continue every single day.
i cant find something or somewhere to calm myself down,
to comfort myself.

to make myself feeel better.

i'll try to though.
i'll try to. (:

Y4:29 AM