welcome to chewyan's world(:

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

24Sep08
1:49am

heyhey everyone.
(:

i'm going to bed after this post.
(:

quite long never come blog le huhhs?
hees.

well.
been thinking about what i've been through all these months.

after those heartaching memories.

i did so many things.
tried so many things.

tried so hard.
and kinda just realised.
there's no point trying so hard!
cause there's no results eventually.

im back to square1.

i just continued watching from where i stopped for this hongkong drama.
最美丽的第七天。
i like one of the couple inside.

they're just so sweet!
:))

later show u all pictures.
:)

and.
recently watched a few episodes of korean drama,
天国的阶梯,
on channel u.

they're just another sweet couple.
:))

my heart warms up whenever i watched these couples.
always does.

and i feel all glad too.
maybe im influenced by their sweetness.
:)

and a thought struck me.
im looking in all the wrong routes.
they all dont really like me.

they are just using me to kill their boredom.

but i believe.
one day.

i will have the sweetness and happiness that belongs to me.
only to me.
:)

i will have my guy who likes me for who i am.
:)

and now i've just got to wait.
:)

i'm waiting. :)

okay these few days....
i missed you.
again.

after so long.

but am not gonna tell you.
or do anything obvious.
cause i dun wanna scare u.
hahas.

im quite happy that we can stay like this.
:)

i really missed you.

loves* :)

oh wells.
another update about me den.

i went to distribute flyers for one day on 20thSep.
at holland v.
:)

was quite funn.
i like it when people take and say thanks or smile.
:))

and i met alot of kind souls that day.
:)

i worked for 8hrs.
just give give give.
LOL.

onli sat down 10mins eh!

and i didnt even go to toilet.
hhahahs.
am proud of myself. :D

and was having some problems with the people supposed to pay me.
lol.

but its settled!!
:))

i'm getting my pay.
hees.

night everyone.
:)

Y10:39 AM

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

16Sep08
11:16pm

emm..
hellos.

thanks for all the replies at my tagboard.
hahas.

i'm glad you guys like me for who i am.
=P

and thanks kendrick.
LOL.
that was the original singer luhhhs~~
lol.

well today i want to blog abt something.

SEAN TAN WEI LIANG.

awww.

we will miss you.

he's going to a different class from us.
=/

i still cant really get over it.
=/

our clique totally shrink.
time and again.

first was siyu and shawn.
den gary and sean.

=/

well i gues there's no way to turn him around.
he's got valid reasons we cant say no.
=/

well i think we can still meet up for lunch in school then.
=]

and i went running just now!
i wanna be HOT.

YES.

HOT.

hahahas.
and that means i have to go exercise daily.
everyday.

LOL.

i wanna be like pussycat dolls girls.
LOL.

maybe abit impossible.
but that's kinda pushing me now.
lol.

and yeah two mths later its gonna be my bday soon.
need to buck up if i wanna be acceptable weight for the first time in my life on that day.

HAHAHAHS.

i know i will.
i hope.
LOL.

and i realise.
i've been trying too hard for alot of months now.

way too hard.
and i guess the thing i want really cant be forced.

i've decided to heck care already.
yeah.
(:

ohhs.
and yeah i got my result.
2.4 gpa.

woohooo.
congratulations.

-.-

lowest since i entered NP.
trust me.
i said wtf when i saw the gpa.

lol.

well.
at least i passed and dont have to retake any module.

THANK GOD.

and yes sihui.
i believe i wont behave like in last sem anymore.

WO HUI YONG GONG DE.

T.T

alright.
erms.
suddenly,
another piece of shocking news came.

and its inevitable.
=[

this is overwhelming.
i dont like it.
=[

and i even have to make a choice now?!

T.T

i dun know..
=[

Y8:09 AM

Friday, September 12, 2008

13Sep08
12:50am

hey hellos.

just finished chatting on the phone with my dar ahying.

tml gonna meet her go tampines mall to buy her things.
=]

suddenly felt like blogging.
today didnt end very well.

i got moody.
that lonely feeling again.

i believe i dun have to cover up and hide from my friends.
but i dun know who to confess to.
thought it might be irritating too,
since everytime i'm moody over the same things.

so thought i'll blog it out.
and u guys can read if u want to.

i got moody.
cause i feel lonely.

and friends who had been with me for sometime,
should know,
what i want.

and the thing i yearn for cannot be forced.
i dun wanna force it either.

cause i want a lasting one.
not just some temporary thing.

i've sucessfully given up on you, you, you and you.

now the guys in my list are just whom i feel good about.
no particular target currently.

actually another thing i feel like blogging is.
this thing that my dar told me thats abt me.
and i always realise it after things i dun like happen.

she told me.
i very fan. (irritating)
i always stick to ppl.
i always cant stop looking for ppl.

and i fail to know when ppl are irritated and dont feel like talking to me anymore.
i just keep talking to them.
=/

just now i was talking to this guy.
whom i am so happy to hear from him again,
after so long..

yeah i guess i was abit overwhelming.
i kept talking to him whenever i have the chance.

i told myself not to talk to him just now.
when he signed in.
but in the end,
i failed to.

i guess he's irritated.
i hope he doesnt get annoyed and ignores me again.

and dar told me.
of all the stories i told her about my life,
she concludes i am a very irritating person.

as in i keep talking to the person i want to.
without really thinking if the person wants to talk to me.

and if that person never reply me,
i'll keep talking to him/her.

yeah kinda true..
=/

but those people whom experienced this from me,
i am sorry.
i didnt mean to.
i just feel like and wanna talk to you.

if i ever do get irritating,
tell me.
i'll stop.

i think i am better off keeping my mouth shut.
since i was a kid,
alot of ppl didnt like the way i am.
always lots of noises.
always talking.
always crapping.

i dont mean to irritate you.
its just i like to be around people.
i like to have people with me.

cause well i am alone at home.
and i'm almost always at home.

maybe i am just
attention seeking,
noisy,
and irritating.

i am just a person who dont care about other people.

maybe..

maybe keeping quiet..
is the only way out.

anyways,
i'm also tired of being the noisy and cheerful one everytime.
i want people to come to me as well.

i've been always acting like a clown,
(in my opinion)
and being all cheery,
cause i thought it'll make the atmosphere better.

seriously,
i like to see people smile.

sorry people.

Y9:22 AM

Thursday, September 11, 2008

11Sep08
7:14pm

hellos people~

hahas.

been slacking at home for 2weeks.
got go apply for jobs.
but i dun think i am getting them.

no news.

oh wells.
go out and find other jobs den. :D

anyways its good to not have to go work,
right??
=P

today came to blog cause something happened.

i cut my finger.
lol.

first time in my life i saw myself bleeding so much.
LOL.

serious.
but erms,
its not ALOT i think.
hahas.

lets see.
i was cooking maggi mee.
den left one more sachet.
its garnishing stuff.

cant tear open.
will have to use scissors or something.
and i saw a knife.
-.-

i wish i didnt see it.
LOL.

den i took it.
and was trying to open it.
poked it through the plastic.
and when i poked it through,
my finger tip got sliced as well.
LOL.

T.T

okay it wasnt really very painful.
but OMG.

blood oozing out.
LOL.

den i remembered in health education we were taught to wash our wound under the tap right?

i did.

and more blood came out.
LOL.

washed till it hurt twice,
before i went to get toilet paper to wrap around the cut.

den got dizzy while tearing out toilet paper.
walked out,
wanted to go sit at my dining table's chair.
cause was dizzy.

but before i could reach the table,
the whole world became bright.
LOL.
i couldnt see anything and i dont know where am i.
sort of fainting i guess.

i banged into my dining table,
tripped over my chair's leg.
and fell down beside the table.

i only start to see what happened and where am i after i lie down there for a while.
the chair was on my legs.
and the table moved out of its original place.
by quite alot.
LOL.

and i just lie down there.
and wait till i think was okay.
i realised there were lots of sweat.
lol.

den when i stood up to go grab my phone,
felt kinda dizzy again and had to lie down.
called mama.

hahahas.

soon she was back.
den i kinda slept 2 or 3 hrs on the sofa.
till 4++pm.

mummy made me porridge.
:DD
hees.

and helped me wash my hair.
hahahas.
=P

now feeling better i guess.
head still feels abit heavy.

well i never thought a small cut like this can make me faint.
lol.

its the 2nd time i ever had this kinda "fainting" situation.
its scary.
T.T

and anyways,
suddenly felt like shopping.
am gonna go online browsing.
lol.

but everytime i browse online,
i dun buy anything.
LOL.

waste my time only.
lol.

oh and another thing,
yesterday i managed to hear from a friend of mine.
havent been hearing from him for months.
and did really miss him loads.

i'm glad. :D

now i'm gonna get a banana to eat.
HAHAHS.
bye people! :D

Y4:10 AM

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

2Sep08
1:03am

hellos.
i am feeling down.

all started with my mummy.

now we are like on cold wars.

i wonder when will it be over.
haix.

hate it when these happens.

she asked me to wash toilet.
she put soap on the walls already.
so i am like suppose to scrub and clean em.

okay i didnt do it once i woke up.

i went online and slacked my afternoon away.

up until 5pm,
i thought i'll eat my lunch,
den go wash + bath before i go out to meet shing,
my cousin.

she came back when i was eating.
and she flared up when she heard i havent wash the toilet.

she started shouting and scolding me.
like the past few times,
she's really mean in what she says.

in conclusion.
she said i am,

USELESS.

LOUSY.

BEYOND HOPE.

WRONG.

and today i think she went abit overboard.
she shouted this in her anger.

U DONT CALL ME MUMMY.
I NOT FIT TO BE UR MUMMY.
U CALL ME MUMMY, I SLAP U.

AND DONT TALK TO ME.

like wth?
its not like i always never help her do housechores.
i did whatever she asked me to.

its just i kinda delay everytime.
eventually i'll still do it!

=/

its no big deal lahs.
but she always make a big fuss over em.

and i swear.
she wants her house speckless.
thats why i have to mop and vacuum once every two days.
used to be everyday once can.

i dont know.
am i really wrong?
am i really useless?
beyond hope?

am i a bad girl?

haix.

worst thing would be dad sides with her.
like whatever.
haix.

and the things i said i wanna blog about..

it's about these changes in my life since last year end.

the changes are real big.

in my opinions that is.

i started to yearn for more.
i started finding avenues to fulfill what i want.
i started to go out more.
i started to stay out later.
i started to be more aware of my image.
i started to shop for clothes and shoes.

i did alot of things i never thought i would do since last year end.
but all are equally heartbreaking.

currently my list of things to do are:
1. slim down to acceptable weight on my 18th bday.
2. go out more and see + learn new things.
3. join sports.
4. join dancesports to learn dances.
5. do not waste my life.
6. studies.

i think i am nt talking sense already.
think i'm sleepy or tired.
haix whatever.

i'm gonna post up pics that contributed to my fine memories since last year end.
first from may up till now.

lastly.
i miss the old you.

but unless time turns,
and go back,
you'll stay as you are.
and there's nth i can do.
=/

Y9:59 AM