welcome to chewyan's world(:

Monday, December 20, 2010

20Dec'10
12.53am

opps.
wrote christmas cards for my colleagues that now im WAYYYY OFF my bedtime. T.T

gonna go sleeep after this post....

dearie.
i dun even know if i can take it,
if its gonna be so long.

i know its something you like,
but it would have been nice if you could have discussed with me abit.....

but den again,
i can tell you really like it,
for your own reasons.

(:

so i guess yeah you're doing this.

i just hope i can make it through.
i dont even dare to imagine what might happen. ):

because apparently,
our relationship didnt have a strong base yet.
and then now that you're inside,
we already dun have much time together.

this decision will only test things further.

dun wanna stress you yet.
just wanna tell you im scared.
im worried.
):

people wait for 2 years max.
because all these will end.
but i dun know how its gonna be like with you.
two years down the road.
or three.
five.
seven.

if its always gonna be like the current situation,
or even worse off,

its gonna be VERY VERY hard to maintain the relationship.

*hug seanie to sleep*
goodnight dearie.
sweet dreams.

(:

Y8:42 AM

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

15Dec'10
11.20pm

my tummy hurts):
alot.

it feels like my intestines are all tied up together.
and they pull here and thereeeee.
T.T

pain...
but dearie's in camp.
and he cant even use his phone today.
because hes got a shooting test till like midnight ):

oh well.
i will get better soooon.

i didnt message dearie today.
at all.

pretty upset.
and frustrated about everything for the past one week +.

and not being able to contact dearie much,
and even if we do,
the little things that dearie has to tell me.....
is most probably the biggest part of it all.

):

arhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ):
been moody for like near to a week now.
):

i hope when i see dearie,
things might change back to normal again.
and there wont be this frown on my face anymore.

btw...
i think i most probably will.

like very happy to seeee him again.

very tired....
):

and all i feeeeel.
is ))))))))))))))):

i hate this):
i hope things really can get better.
):

seanie tan wei liang.

im gonna go hug seanie now.
i actually doze off on my chair. o.o

dreadddddfulll amount of work again tml,
and i have to speed up everything,
cause its payment week again ):

but i will not get to leave this place.
until i get a new one.
a secure one.
):

oh well,
*hug seanie baby and rock forward and backwards*
night night...

tired eyes wanna closeeee.

Y7:09 AM

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

14Dec'10
12.37am

still waiting for the chance to get the 2nd limited edition pet society penguin.
haha.
i got one already but have to get another one.

buying this limited edition thing,
and making sure that me and dearie have one,
has become like a culture, a habit or an event that cant be missed.

cause last time when i was busy,
and he could play PS,
he would buy one for me(:

so i dun know.
maybe buying like this,
and owning the LIMITED EDITION thingy represents like.
US.
haha.

so anyways, while i have to reconnect dont know how many countless times on the browser,
im here to write down a post.

nobody to talk to already anyway.
hahaha.
so late already.

im actually very tired already haha.

my eyes are all blurry already :x
but oh well.
haha.

has lost appetite,
and lost a sense of purpose,
and the motivation to push me on each day.
for the past 4-5 days.

because dearie couldnt come out.
he's got this SIT test.
he had to stay in for the weekend.
and to top it off, he cant use the phone.
cause its outfield.

so yeah.
kinda spent my 4th mth alone.
i went out alone.
hahaha.

i dun mind,
esp i think i should be grateful that i actually still get to hear from dearie first thing in the day.
like for awhile.

instead of not hearing from him at all on our 4th mth.

right?

ive been acting a little funny for the past few days.
haha.

like extra hyper.
but my frown doesnt go away.

because i cant see you. ):
because we cant spend time together.
and its not gonna be only for a little while):

now i understand why relationships are harder to handle when guys go to NS.
because theres simply no time.
and for people who have weak confidence in themselves,
will have doubts of themselves.

you read my messages,
but when the inbox is full,
you delete all the messages.

do you remember alot of things that i told you?

i hate having a phone with LIMITED sms storage as well.
but i cant really bring myself to delete everything all at one shot all the time.

i told you so many things through smses,
do you really absorb and think about how i was thinking?
or you were just listening?
and most probably forget about it after awhile?

and they are never talked about again?

over time,
i will run out of things to talk about.
because everything i have to say ends in one sentence.

thanks for trying to assure me with the littlest time you have in army.
telling me you're fine even if i say the same things to you over and over again.
at least its better(:

its not your fault dearie.
its not like you want it, right?

its because of this external factor,
NS.
thats causing all these.

and maybe on my side,
im abit expecting that guys and girls should be about the same when it comes to missing each other and what they would do.

like for example,
if i miss you,
i really miss you like crazy.
like write it down somewhere.
want you to know.

but maybe for a guy,
missing is just inside you.
in your own thoughts.
and not EXAGGERATED.
haha like me.

so hai....
i dun know.

i just...
feeeel kinda upset and mooody.
):

it all comes down to one sentence:
i wish i have more time with you.

the exact sentence that i've been messaging you for the last few days.
haha.

YAY.
THE LIMITED EDITION BUY ALREADY!
WOOOOHOOOO.

bedtime(:

and its dreadful work tomorrow again ):
hai.
byebye.

sweet dreams to you. *heart*

Y8:25 AM

Sunday, December 12, 2010

12Dec'10
11.09pm

was talking to wave, my junior from NP earlier on.
and we happen to talk about Seanie, my stitch baby from dearie(:

at least you had your weekends meeting your boyfriend for awhile and went out.
but nvm,

i got seanie to hug.
HAHAHA.

den i thought of this.
actually that is what my dearie wanted.
to give me seanie to hugg when he is not around.
for him to keep me company(:

and yes dearie!
hes sitting on my lap now while i type this(:
hehehehe.

hes actually accompanying all my activities whenever im at home.
except for the times when im bathing HAHAHA.

imissyou dearie(:
waiting for you to come out(:

show u proof that seanie baby is with me now(: !

Y6:58 AM

Friday, December 10, 2010

10thDec'10
1.11am

happy 4th month to me and dearie.
and yeah it just have to happen that hes stuck in tekong.
confinement due to SIT test.
):

i didnt wanna be like a spoiled brat or something.
or was i behaving like one?

but den....
i cant help but feeel super upset that its gonna be 3 days.
no communication again ):

i hate field camps.
):

and tml, 11th Dec 2010,
which is actually now,
strictly speaking,

is the first day of the next 3 days that he cant contact at all.
because his phone is not with him):

so im hereeeeeeee.
wanna keep this moment before i sleeeep.

time flies!
4th month already.

but ive along felt that we've been together like for a very long time.
haha.

i wish we have more time together.
i wish we can do more things together.

i wish i can just see you.
):

what a lousy weekend.
one of the worst):

but maybe i'll start searching for my job orr..
maybe go out on my own and search for christmas presents(:

i'll bring dearie's jacket along maybe.
then i can feeeel like as if dearie is beside me.

im actually dozing off at the moment infront of my com.
guess im all worn out.

shit.
hahaha.

i dozed off now and then and now its like 1.50am.
haha.

-.-

miss my deare):

Y8:21 AM

Saturday, December 04, 2010

5Dec'2010
1.30pm

waiting for dearie to finish writing his NS report and send me to print out.
before i can meet him.....

hes booking in again today.
he just came out yesterday):

sometimes,
being a girl who doesnt need love that much,
or not so emotional,
or not so feeling....

might be a good thing.

its only the 3rd week.

as much as i try to ignore the fact that i miss my dearie,
i still do at the end of the day.

and when i sit down, and face the fact that i miss him,
i always tear.
):

im not trying to make it difficult for him.
but its just hard to hold up a strong front and act like im not upset,

when i really am.
):

dearie told me hes gonna book out only in another two weeks after he book in today.
because hes got another test and hes gonna get confined.
):

i never knew the feeling of tearing by just missing someone.
by just thinking of someone and whats gonna happen.

now i know.
now that i've experienced it.

its terrible.

but it also means,
hes that important to me.

dearie is this big big part of my life.
that i use to look forward to everyday of my life.

because all along i've been a girl who am just looking for my life partner.

everything else, is a want.
and not a need.

he said last night during dinner.
that maybe im destined to wait.

yeah.
maybe.

and with all the external factors that comes to be our obstacles.
its really hard.

i pray that there wont be any misunderstandings ever to come between us.
because i know if it does,

our relationship confirm will start to shake.
and we wont have time or support to keep our relationship intact if it gets bad.

i pray nothing bad happens.
because that would be the limit before everything blows me up again.
and i dun know how long it will take me to stand up once again.
)):

as i said im a person with extreme thinkings,
its either i treat seanie tan wei liang as my everything,
and take all these pain and torture emotionally,

but if he feels it and loves me more back,
maybe in the end,
its all worth it.

or that i have to live for myself.
and not just for him.

that would make me slowly grow to not need him anymore.
and i wouldnt yearn for him anymore.
it'll just be us together.

but of course, this method doesnt come easily.
i have to brainwash myself.

im sticking on with the first one.
because i dun wanna brainwash myself.
into thinking about bad points.
and demoralising myself.
in order to not face such torments.

so yeah.

ive made a wish for my birthday for two years now.
and they've been this.

i wanna be happy everyday.

i hope birthday wishes really do work.

Y9:19 PM

4Dec'2010
1:35am

wanted to blog about something i saw today when i was out.
(:
so here i am.

i was on the bus towards tampines to pick up dearie today.
and i fell asleep half way through.
i woke up somewhere and there was this couple sitting infront of me.

i first saw them holding a brochure with a wedding cake on the cover.
and she was doing some hand actions to show that the cake should be big or something.
i didnt hear cause i stuffed my earpiece in my ears.
haha.

so i suppose they're getting married.

i dun know why,
but from them i feel the wonderful feeling of love.

the guy was like acting cute and the girl was like,
*hit the shoulder showing he can lie on her shoulder if hes tired*
and he lied down.

hes way taller than her.
so it looks cute to see the guy curling up to lie on her gf's shoulder.
ahahhaa.

so yeah.
but its this feeeling i felt from them.
that i realise, its so little nowadays.

you dun get this feeling very often nowadays(:

and den.
today i picked dearie up.
after field camp so its like 6 days week.
):

the day have to end early too.
cause hes like wanna collaspe already.

too tired.

):

and i heard from him that,
hes gonna get confined and not coming out at all for the whole 2 weeks.
because hes got another test.
)))):

i find myself reluctant to accept the fact.
because i dun want to.
):

i was just complaining to him earlier on.
about us having to keep getting separated and stuff when we just got together for less than 4 months.
although it felt like we've been together for long.

yog.
my work.
now NS.

):

and that i was thinking to myself.
how to cope.
how to not feeel so unbearable when hes nt around...

if one day i really dun miss him that much,
and is okay to not have him around,
and not in this current state of upset, agony and unhappiness,

its not a good sign either.

because my brains always work on the extremes.
):

oh well.
we'll just have to see as it goes.
right?

goodnight(:
sweeeet dreams.

its gonna be two.
im sleepy already.
gonna go sleep.

left less than 8hrs of time before the two weeks):

gosh i hate this.
):

Y9:09 AM

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

1Dec'10
11:23pm

wednesday!
tomorrow is finally thursday!

at least its something i can look forward to(:

i've been a good girl.
my dearie has left me a small note for me to read on thursday.
because this whole week,
hes away on field camp and we wont be hearing from each other.

(:

although the letter was actually requested by me. -.-
so...
yeah.

lol.

and im sooooooooo tired.
yawns***

dearieeeeeeeeeee!!

i cant wait to see u again.
to seeeee you coming out of the bus.
and walking towards me(:

and then the journey home (:
heees(:

dearie i miss the time we went barrage together!
we will have another chance right?
(:

HUGGY. (:
muacks.

i actually had thoughts of us sharing a same house,
and sharing our life together.
(:

soooo.
its a pretty good sign!
HAHA.

(:

hehehe.
gonna go hug seanieee baby soon.
(:

sleepy le...
HEHE.

im thinking of getting you a present.
but i dun know what should i get you this time.
hmmmmm.
hehehehe.

(:

you'll know by the time you read this i suppose(:
hees :D

goodnight dearie!
sweeeet sweeeet dreams!
(:

HUGGY AND KISS KISS! :D
(:

Y7:12 AM