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Saturday, October 31, 2009

31Oct'09
12.55am

its been a while since i came to blog.

cause my com was down for nearly a month.
dc board spoilt.
sent it to acer and now yap working.

just got it like one week ago.
and just thought i should blog today.

to say the truth im not feeling very well right now.

not exactly physically.
though i feel abit cold.
must be due to the rainy weather.

emotionally.
yes.

i really HATE.
hate myself now.

cause i think i upset somebody.
somebody whom i dun want to hurt.

it wasn't intentional.
i wasn't trying to hide anything bad that i've done.

i was just worried that if i just say the truth,
he will get angry or upset and just walk off from me.

i really cant take it if he walks off from me cause i made him angry.
ever again.

so i lied.

i didnt tell him the entire truth.

and hours later.
when he asked.
i admitted.
cause i didnt feel good about lying.

I DUN WANNA LIE TO HIM.

but i was really really scared that he will be angry.
and flare up at me.

i really really cant take it.

the reaction was so instant,
my fear took over.

my reaction was too fast.
that i onli realise i lied after i finish my sentence to him.

after 5mins.
i wanted so much to revoke and tell him i was joking.
and tell him the truth.

but hes definitely gonna be more angry like that isnt it?

and i shut.

i really didnt want things to turn this way.

i dun want him to leave me like this.
to walk away like this.

it really hurts.

im so so so sorry.
please don't be angry or upset anymore.
can?

i know saying sorry doesnt help.
but i dun know what to do.

im so so afraid whenever u get angry.
whenever u get upset.

im so sorry. ))):

i really hope u wont walk away on me.
not like this...
)):

ps. idly.

Y9:40 AM