welcome to chewyan's world(:

Tuesday, September 02, 2008

2Sep08
1:03am

hellos.
i am feeling down.

all started with my mummy.

now we are like on cold wars.

i wonder when will it be over.
haix.

hate it when these happens.

she asked me to wash toilet.
she put soap on the walls already.
so i am like suppose to scrub and clean em.

okay i didnt do it once i woke up.

i went online and slacked my afternoon away.

up until 5pm,
i thought i'll eat my lunch,
den go wash + bath before i go out to meet shing,
my cousin.

she came back when i was eating.
and she flared up when she heard i havent wash the toilet.

she started shouting and scolding me.
like the past few times,
she's really mean in what she says.

in conclusion.
she said i am,

USELESS.

LOUSY.

BEYOND HOPE.

WRONG.

and today i think she went abit overboard.
she shouted this in her anger.

U DONT CALL ME MUMMY.
I NOT FIT TO BE UR MUMMY.
U CALL ME MUMMY, I SLAP U.

AND DONT TALK TO ME.

like wth?
its not like i always never help her do housechores.
i did whatever she asked me to.

its just i kinda delay everytime.
eventually i'll still do it!

=/

its no big deal lahs.
but she always make a big fuss over em.

and i swear.
she wants her house speckless.
thats why i have to mop and vacuum once every two days.
used to be everyday once can.

i dont know.
am i really wrong?
am i really useless?
beyond hope?

am i a bad girl?

haix.

worst thing would be dad sides with her.
like whatever.
haix.

and the things i said i wanna blog about..

it's about these changes in my life since last year end.

the changes are real big.

in my opinions that is.

i started to yearn for more.
i started finding avenues to fulfill what i want.
i started to go out more.
i started to stay out later.
i started to be more aware of my image.
i started to shop for clothes and shoes.

i did alot of things i never thought i would do since last year end.
but all are equally heartbreaking.

currently my list of things to do are:
1. slim down to acceptable weight on my 18th bday.
2. go out more and see + learn new things.
3. join sports.
4. join dancesports to learn dances.
5. do not waste my life.
6. studies.

i think i am nt talking sense already.
think i'm sleepy or tired.
haix whatever.

i'm gonna post up pics that contributed to my fine memories since last year end.
first from may up till now.

lastly.
i miss the old you.

but unless time turns,
and go back,
you'll stay as you are.
and there's nth i can do.
=/

Y9:59 AM